33.

I am thinking about why I resented you secretly

how you never payed attention

I wanted you to say thank you

to hang a photo of me above your workspace

or take note of my ability

to draw a flower or take a photo

that didn't suck completely

They took down that second floor

the one that was never finished

like a little treehouse for sleeping and dreaming

I hated being alone more than anything

now I hate having most people around

once we swung our feet over the edge

and smoked cigarettes inside

and I kept thinking the same thought

over and over

I was wrong and now I see

how much I've scared people

how few of us there are

whose parents settled

and handed us big hearts and a stern no

for anything unconventional

how we fumble these streets

with our words and values

slowly fading into the background

and the cracks

in other people's sidewalks

tonight I want to say something

maybe its the weather and how being

coatless seems free

or how sometimes inspiration just hits you in the gut

and then you want to do a hundred things

all at one time

I want to say that tomorrow I am buying a plane ticket

to the west coast

I will take someone

we will talk about the future

and how taking down walls allows the

transition to comfort

I will spin in circles, fall down, laugh

but mainly I'll decide

to put you and you and you into a box

labeled yesterday and before

I won't forget you

I will stop letting you affect my tomorrows

thank you for that song you played me

and for listening even though I never said much

If you are there

I want to say that I am prepared for infinite renewal

I'm standing in the water

I'm washing you away

lets do this

-staci